留学书信-研究生院申请文章—用词过多
2009-03-22 生活英语 来源:互联网 作者: ℃
retation* itself would be technically sound and sociologically insightful, or that those methods of inquiry would allow for the interpretation of sound, insightful works? If you mean the latter, why do you need to characterize the words as sound and insightful? Shouldn''t the emphasis be on the quality of the interpretation?
Sorry if I sound like a broken record, but it gives you a sense of how badly the phrase needs clarification.
RE: "I also seek to increase my knowledge of African languages, which will allow me to study the lingering cultural impact of colonialism in modern day African literatures written in European languages."
This sentence was also confusing. If you are going to study literature written in European languages, why do you want to learn African languages? I have no doubt you need both, but there seems to be a contradiction within the sentence itself.
RE: "My faith in the tangible power of the written word that led me into the study of literature as a young student is my driving force today and will be for the foreseeable future. My ultimate goal is to gain the knowledge and tools necessary to illuminate that power to others."
Too vague, too vague. What if we just take those sentences out? You''ve already made the point.
P7
RE: "His complicating of the traditionally drawn local, national and foreign realms through the discussion of post-colonial displacement and mixed identifications first led me to believe that comparative literature''s focus on national and linguistic borders was fairly arbitrary in the modern world"
A great example of an over-complicated sentence. Some of the phrasing is a bit awkward. What do you mean, for instance, by Gupta''s complicating? Is there a better way to phrase this?
Same for "the traditionally drawn": I''m not sure what you mean. I''ll venture below an interpretation of the sentence:
"Professor Gupta''s analysis of the local, national, and foreign realms, achieved through a discussion of post-colonial displacement and mixed identifications, has led to me believe that -- given the complexity of modern societies --comparative literature''s focus on borders (national and linguistic) has been excessively arbitrary."
But please make sure to revise if my interpretation is completely off-target.
In the revised version, the logic of the text is clearer, the narrative is more complete, and your arguments are better structured -- without having sacrificed the persuasive tone and efficient analysis of your writing.
Best luck with the admissions process.
Regards,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edited Essay:
My freshman year [at which college?], I was sitting in a Postcolonial African Literature class when Professor Ngugi wa Thiong''o (the influential Kenyan author) succeeded in attracting me to the study of African literature through nothing more than a single sentence. He argued that, when a civilization adopts reading and writing as the chief form of social communication, it frees itself to forget its own values, because those values no longer have to be part of a lived reality in order to have significance. I was immediately fascinated by the idea that the written word can alter individual lives, affect one''s identity, and perhaps even shape national identity.
Professor Ngugi''s proposal forced me to think in a radically new way: I was finally confronted with the notion of literature not as an agent of vital change, but as a potential instrument of stasis and social stagnancy. I began to question the basic assumptions with which I had, until then, approached the field. How does "literature" function away from the written page, in the lives of individuals and societies? What is the significance of the written word in a society where the construction of history is not necessarily recorded or even linear?
I soon discovered that the general scope of comparative literature fell short of my expectations because it didn''t allow students to question the inherent integrity or subjectivity of their discourse. We were being told to approach Asian, African, European, and American texts with the same analytical tools, ignoring the fact that, within each culture, literature may function in a different capacity, and with a completely different sense of urgency. Seeking out ways in which literature tangibly impacted societies, I began to explore other fields, including history, philosophy, anthropology, language, and performance studies.
The interdisciplinary nature of my work is best illustrated by my senior thesis ("Time Out of Joint: Issues of Temporality in the Songs of Okot p''Bitek"). In addition to
Sorry if I sound like a broken record, but it gives you a sense of how badly the phrase needs clarification.
RE: "I also seek to increase my knowledge of African languages, which will allow me to study the lingering cultural impact of colonialism in modern day African literatures written in European languages."
This sentence was also confusing. If you are going to study literature written in European languages, why do you want to learn African languages? I have no doubt you need both, but there seems to be a contradiction within the sentence itself.
RE: "My faith in the tangible power of the written word that led me into the study of literature as a young student is my driving force today and will be for the foreseeable future. My ultimate goal is to gain the knowledge and tools necessary to illuminate that power to others."
Too vague, too vague. What if we just take those sentences out? You''ve already made the point.
P7
RE: "His complicating of the traditionally drawn local, national and foreign realms through the discussion of post-colonial displacement and mixed identifications first led me to believe that comparative literature''s focus on national and linguistic borders was fairly arbitrary in the modern world"
A great example of an over-complicated sentence. Some of the phrasing is a bit awkward. What do you mean, for instance, by Gupta''s complicating? Is there a better way to phrase this?
Same for "the traditionally drawn": I''m not sure what you mean. I''ll venture below an interpretation of the sentence:
"Professor Gupta''s analysis of the local, national, and foreign realms, achieved through a discussion of post-colonial displacement and mixed identifications, has led to me believe that -- given the complexity of modern societies --comparative literature''s focus on borders (national and linguistic) has been excessively arbitrary."
But please make sure to revise if my interpretation is completely off-target.
In the revised version, the logic of the text is clearer, the narrative is more complete, and your arguments are better structured -- without having sacrificed the persuasive tone and efficient analysis of your writing.
Best luck with the admissions process.
Regards,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edited Essay:
My freshman year [at which college?], I was sitting in a Postcolonial African Literature class when Professor Ngugi wa Thiong''o (the influential Kenyan author) succeeded in attracting me to the study of African literature through nothing more than a single sentence. He argued that, when a civilization adopts reading and writing as the chief form of social communication, it frees itself to forget its own values, because those values no longer have to be part of a lived reality in order to have significance. I was immediately fascinated by the idea that the written word can alter individual lives, affect one''s identity, and perhaps even shape national identity.
Professor Ngugi''s proposal forced me to think in a radically new way: I was finally confronted with the notion of literature not as an agent of vital change, but as a potential instrument of stasis and social stagnancy. I began to question the basic assumptions with which I had, until then, approached the field. How does "literature" function away from the written page, in the lives of individuals and societies? What is the significance of the written word in a society where the construction of history is not necessarily recorded or even linear?
I soon discovered that the general scope of comparative literature fell short of my expectations because it didn''t allow students to question the inherent integrity or subjectivity of their discourse. We were being told to approach Asian, African, European, and American texts with the same analytical tools, ignoring the fact that, within each culture, literature may function in a different capacity, and with a completely different sense of urgency. Seeking out ways in which literature tangibly impacted societies, I began to explore other fields, including history, philosophy, anthropology, language, and performance studies.
The interdisciplinary nature of my work is best illustrated by my senior thesis ("Time Out of Joint: Issues of Temporality in the Songs of Okot p''Bitek"). In addition to
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