Lesson 17

they were all made by the Lord Chancel'lor, upon a due consideration of the characters and circumstances, without the partners having any choice in the matter."
    We are bound to acknowledge, after a careful study of the methods of mate selection in the East and West, that the great Dr. Johnson was probably perfectly right.
    From one extreme to the other, four patterns of mate selection may be distinguished.

    1. Selection by the parents - the young people themselves not consulted. This is the traditional method employed in the East. When the choice is carefully and wisely made, it is usually a good one.But it is open to the grave errors caused by ignorance and exploitation.
    2. Selection by the parents, but the young People consulted . This is an improvement on the first method, provided the young people are allowed to make the final decision. In some communities, though they are formally consulted, they are expected to accept the choice made for them, and have no real freedom to express their minds.

    3. Selection by the young people, but parental approvdl necessary. This pattern exhibits at least two forms. The strictest is the one in which no action may be taken by the young people until they bave been given parental permissiop to proceed. A good example is the early American Quaker father in the eighteenth century, who was approached by a neighbour's son John asking his permission to court his daughter Sarah. Unless John was approved by Sazah's father in the first place, no further
step could be taken. But even if her father approved of John, Sarah still had the right to refuse him.

    The other variation is where Sarah could encourage John's attentions without seeking her father's permission; but if she and John became serious, her father's approval was essential before marriage could take place. If he used his veto, she had to give up John-or elope!

    4. Selection by the young people - the parents not consulted. This is the method which is becoming widespread in the West today. The couple may be living away from home, and unable to consult their parents. But even when the parents are formally consulted, all too often their agreement is a mere formality. They know that, even if they raise objections, the marriage is likely to take place anyway.
    Which of these methods is most desirable?

    We would reject the first. Even if it is efficient, we believe it denies to young people a freedom that should be theirs by right. This is the position being widely adopted in the East today.
    We would also reject the last. Young people should not be dominated
by their parents in this matter. But neither should their parents be left entirely out of the picture. The experience of parents can often correct and restrain the headstrong and distorted choices of inexperienced youth. The kind of freedom young people in the West today are demanding is unreasonable, and undesirable in their own best interests.

    The desirable ideal, we believe, is a cooperative selection by young people and parents together. This may not always be easily achieved.But it is worth the effort that may be needed. It creates unity in ihe family. It balances out the intense feelings of youth against the detached judgement of more mature experience. It offers, we believe, the best basis for successful marriages - especially if backed by scientific knowledge accumulated by study and research.

    At the present time, the East.is moving steadily towards the ideal of cooperation between parents and young people. But the West is moving further away from it, as young people increasingly ignore their parents' opinions. However, there is some compensation in the fact that the results of study:and research concerning the criteria of good mate selection are being made available increasingly to Western youth.

              
                            7. Marry - for What?

    I'm afraid it is in the nature of an agony aunt's job that she is more concerned with failures than with triumphs. Nevertheless, these past years, I've also noticed something of the pattern that leads to success in married life.
    I've seen, for instance, that making a marriage work begins long before making a marriage. It begins with a girl who thinks less about marriage than girls have traditionally done, and more about herself in relationship to work and to her community. The very first trick to a happy marriage is to become a person of in

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